so you want to be games journalist_30

So You Want to Be a Games Journalist

To: Douglas Perry, Editor-in-Chief, IGN

Re: A Modest Proposal

Dear Doug,

I recently read an article titled "So You Want to Be a Games

Journalist," and it made a career as a game reviewer sound so

rewarding that I decided to apply to your website.

Today, I found out that my request to write for you was not granted.

Honestly, Doug, are you on drugs or what? What kind of sick, twisted

freak would pass up the chance to have me write for their clearly

substandard website? Did it give you some kind of perverse

satisfaction to deny me? You don't care about broken hearts and

shattered lives. You have your own ego to feed.

Here's a tip for you, Doug: I don't just write. I write to save lives.

I write for people, Doug, and I serve those broken-hearted people, not

arrogant tyrants like you. I am a one-man, game-reviewing wrecking

crew, and you are passing on the only writer who could make your

execrable site into something worth reading.

You don't want me? Get in line, baby. The sociopaths at Gamepro turned

me down last week. But feel honored. You're now part of a gathering

that includes the grave robbers at Original Xbox Magazine and the

chronic masturbators at Eurogamer. I'm sure you're proud.

Don't forget this, Doug: America is a great place where citizens get

to cleanse the public dole of thugs like you. I'm looking forward to